What are we really seeing?

“Children today are so anxious.” or “Teenagers today just can’t handle pressure.”

These are the statements we hear very often.

But perhaps a better way to understand this is to ask: “What has changed in the world our teenagers are growing up in?”

Teenagers have always worried about exams, friendships, fitting in, disappointing people and what they will do with their lives.

Those worries aren’t new

What may be different today is that there seems to be very little time to switch off from them.

They come home from school, eat something, pick up their phone and the pressure is still there.

Someone is talking about marks.
Someone is preparing for the next exam.
Someone seems to be doing better.
Someone is already talking about college, careers and the future.

And slowly, the questions start adding up:

Am I doing well enough?
Am I keeping up?
What if I fall behind?
What am I going to do with my life?

For a teenager who is still trying to understand what they like, what they are good at and who they really are, having to think about the future can feel like a lot.

Perhaps the pressure isn’t just about exams, phones, competition or careers. It is the feeling that they have to keep up, do well and figure things out…while they are still figuring themselves out.

They are trying to discover who they are, while being asked to decide what they will become.

Sometimes, it doesn’t look like pressure

A teenager may not say, “I’m finding this difficult.”

Sometimes it shows up in ways that can easily be misunderstood.

They may keep putting things off.
They may become unusually irritable.
They may stop talking as much.
They may want constant reassurance.
They may avoid things where they fear they won’t do well.
They may seem distracted or simply “not motivated.”

And sometimes, what looks like a problem with marks, motivation or behaviour may actually be a young person feeling overwhelmed, unsure of themselves or afraid of getting things wrong.

The adults around them matter

Parents and teachers may not be able to remove the pressures young people face, but they can make sure they don’t have to navigate them alone. They don’t have to have all the answers. But they can notice.

They can listen without immediately judging, guide without constantly directing, and create spaces where young people can talk, make mistakes and learn about themselves.

They can ask: “What feels difficult right now?” rather than immediately saying: “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”

Sometimes, what a young person needs isn’t another person telling them what to do. They need someone who will help them understand themselves well enough to decide what to do next.

As an educator and coach, this is where I see our role becoming especially important. It’s not to remove every challenge from a young person’s life, but to help them develop the inner resources to meet those challenges.

Let Them Become, Not Just Perform

As educators, we can create classrooms where mistakes don’t become shame.

As parents, we can create homes where achievement is important…but worth is not dependent on achievement.

And as coaches, we can give young people a space to pause, reflect, understand themselves…and find their next step.

A Thought to Take Away

We cannot remove every difficult experience from a young person’s life.

But we can make sure they don’t have to face those experiences without understanding, support and the skills to navigate them.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can say is not “Don’t worry.” It is simply: “Tell me what’s going on.”

When a young person needs a little more space

There are times when a young person may benefit from having a space outside their everyday relationships…someone who isn’t their parent, teacher or friend.

A coach can offer a professional and confidential space where a young person can pause, reflect, build self-awareness, understand their patterns, work through everyday challenges and discover their own way forward.

Coaching isn’t about telling a young person what to do. It’s about helping them understand themselves, see their choices more clearly and take ownership of their next step.

And sometimes, that space to pause and be heard can make a meaningful difference.

A question for parents, teachers and all of us who have young people in our lives:

When a young person is struggling, are we only asking, “How can I get them back on track?”

Or are we also asking, “What might they be trying to tell us?”

That, perhaps, is where a different kind of conversation begins.